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Oct. 28th, 2007 08:38 pmHmm... I'm in the mood for an entry, so here we go ;)
The last few days since my last entry were quite... mixed. There were a lot of not-so-good things going on, but there also were some small moments of happiness - most of them caused by SMS.
It all started Friday night. I had planned to go 'downtown' at midnight to be at the German Harry Potter-releasparty at our local bookstore. But when I went looking for my car keys I recognized that my sister had taken them out of my bag. She, together with her boyfriend who also drove, had taken my car without my permission to go to the movies. Fuck, I was so pissed. I had been looking forward to that night for ages and they ruined it all.
But then there was the first SMS from Nina who is currently in the USA... Nightwish concerts (I'm jealous... she's on her way back home now though). I was so happy to hear from her and it calmed me down a lot.
When I finally went to bed I was still a bit pissed, but it was okay... until the doorbell rang -.- At half past two in the middle of the night. The anger started tu build up again and I flipped when I came downstairs and saw my sister and her boyfriend had come home, ringing me out of bed although they did have a key with them. They were already in the hall when I was halfway down the stairs. I was so pissed... I was tired, had been half asleep and I was still pissed because of them not asking me if they could take the car. I told them so... and all I got from my sister was an aggressive 'Ja Sorry'. I mumbled something like 'crackbrained', because I was so angry, it wasn't even directed at them personally... whereupon my sister's boyfriend lurked at me snarling 'How dare you calling me crackbrained! Who the hell do you think you are!?'
I was too shocked to say anything and just ran off to my room. That was the next nervous breakdown... I wasn't able to calm down, only crying and shaking, but trying to keep it down because I didn't want them to know. It took them over half an hour to get ready for bed... I didn't dare to put on some music, because they would have complained about the noise... my mp3-player was out of reach in the bathroom. I had to wait until they had closed my sister's door and then I dared to sneak out of my room, fetch the player and go back to bed. It took me three hours to quiet down... and the only things helping me were the voices of Jonne and Anette and Nina's messages. The latter even made me smile at some point.
The next morning came and I was still scared to meet those two... I got up before they did, couldn't sleep anyway, and tried to distract myself. My sister came downstairs around noon. And she came straight into the living-room... and apologized. For real. I still can't believe it. Haven't heard a word from her boyfriend though... and it makes me feel anxious.
I went to visit my grandma and my aunt today for lunch. Quite a bad idea, I should have known. There was no arguing today for a change... but a lot of gloominess.
It's been two years and one day now since she died. Exactly eight years today since my grandpa died. And still it's hard for them to cope. So lunch was like 'Do you remember...? I can't believe it's been so long...'
But I have to agree... even I can't believe that it's been two years now. Time is running so fast. So, out of reasons of 'anniversary' (it just sounds too happy for this occasion, but there's no other word I know), I'll repost that story I wrote almost two years ago... you can read it or not... I just feel like it belongs here, to this time of the year. Maybe you understand...
Memories (In Gedanken)
The last few days since my last entry were quite... mixed. There were a lot of not-so-good things going on, but there also were some small moments of happiness - most of them caused by SMS.
It all started Friday night. I had planned to go 'downtown' at midnight to be at the German Harry Potter-releasparty at our local bookstore. But when I went looking for my car keys I recognized that my sister had taken them out of my bag. She, together with her boyfriend who also drove, had taken my car without my permission to go to the movies. Fuck, I was so pissed. I had been looking forward to that night for ages and they ruined it all.
But then there was the first SMS from Nina who is currently in the USA... Nightwish concerts (I'm jealous... she's on her way back home now though). I was so happy to hear from her and it calmed me down a lot.
When I finally went to bed I was still a bit pissed, but it was okay... until the doorbell rang -.- At half past two in the middle of the night. The anger started tu build up again and I flipped when I came downstairs and saw my sister and her boyfriend had come home, ringing me out of bed although they did have a key with them. They were already in the hall when I was halfway down the stairs. I was so pissed... I was tired, had been half asleep and I was still pissed because of them not asking me if they could take the car. I told them so... and all I got from my sister was an aggressive 'Ja Sorry'. I mumbled something like 'crackbrained', because I was so angry, it wasn't even directed at them personally... whereupon my sister's boyfriend lurked at me snarling 'How dare you calling me crackbrained! Who the hell do you think you are!?'
I was too shocked to say anything and just ran off to my room. That was the next nervous breakdown... I wasn't able to calm down, only crying and shaking, but trying to keep it down because I didn't want them to know. It took them over half an hour to get ready for bed... I didn't dare to put on some music, because they would have complained about the noise... my mp3-player was out of reach in the bathroom. I had to wait until they had closed my sister's door and then I dared to sneak out of my room, fetch the player and go back to bed. It took me three hours to quiet down... and the only things helping me were the voices of Jonne and Anette and Nina's messages. The latter even made me smile at some point.
The next morning came and I was still scared to meet those two... I got up before they did, couldn't sleep anyway, and tried to distract myself. My sister came downstairs around noon. And she came straight into the living-room... and apologized. For real. I still can't believe it. Haven't heard a word from her boyfriend though... and it makes me feel anxious.
I went to visit my grandma and my aunt today for lunch. Quite a bad idea, I should have known. There was no arguing today for a change... but a lot of gloominess.
It's been two years and one day now since she died. Exactly eight years today since my grandpa died. And still it's hard for them to cope. So lunch was like 'Do you remember...? I can't believe it's been so long...'
But I have to agree... even I can't believe that it's been two years now. Time is running so fast. So, out of reasons of 'anniversary' (it just sounds too happy for this occasion, but there's no other word I know), I'll repost that story I wrote almost two years ago... you can read it or not... I just feel like it belongs here, to this time of the year. Maybe you understand...
Memories (In Gedanken)
